I want help and I might want to leave......
Domestic abuse and violence can affect anyone in a close relationship, regardless of their sexuality. Although domestic violence is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men, remember that men can also be victims and that this abuse can occur in same sex partnerships.
If you are a victim then it is important to remember that you are not to blame. Domestic abuse is a crime, but taking action against a partner/ex-partner or family member can be hard. There are local and national organisations that can and will give you all the support and advice you need to support you through this difficult time.
Abuse increases when a person leaves or has recently left an abusive partner. Please seek advice from our local services if you are considering leaving.
What should I do?
Well if you want to talk to someone then please call any of the helplines below:
- North Lincolnshire Women's Refuge - 01724 289299
- Housing Advice Team - 01724 297777
- Humberside Police Non Emergency - 101
- Humberside Police Domestic Violence Unit – 01724 240314
- Victim Support - 0300 303 1971
- Samaritans - 01724 860000 - 24 hour help line
- Childline - 0800 1111 - 24 hour help line
- National Domestic Violence Helpline - 0808 2000247 - 24 hour help line
- North Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Support Line (not 24hr) 0300 33 00 717
- The Blue Door Scunthorpe & North Lincs - Domestic & Sexual Abuse Support - 0800 197 47 87
- Men's Advice Line - 0808 801 0327
- Broken Rainbow - 0800 999 5428
They will be happy to give you advice and support.
Otherwise you need a plan … below is a suggested action plan which you may find helpful.
Making a decision to leave a violent and abusive partner can be the beginning of a long process. Remember that you do not have to go through it alone. You can speak in confidence to a wide range of agencies.
Action plan for preparing to leave
- Keep any useful telephone numbers with you or try to learn them
- Photocopy or know where important documents are - e.g. marriage and birth certificates, passports and financial papers
- Open a savings account in your own name to establish your independence. Make sure the bank has a safe address to contact you
- Try to get an extra set of keys cut for the house, car etc. Leave them together with an extra set of clothes for you and your children with a trusted neighbour, friend or keep it in a safe place
- Decide who you could stay with and, if the need arises, who would lend you some money
- Try to keep some spare change or a phone card with you at all times for emergencies. Keep spare change for taxis and bus fares if needed
- Arrange to leave when your partner is not around
- Keep all medicines for you and your children together in a box. In a crisis situation your safety is vital. If you are planning to leave, you may want to take the following:
- Driver’s licence
- Car registration
- Non-molestation papers
- Child’s birth certificate
- Your birth certificate
- Rent book
- Benefit books
- Clothes – for you and your children
- Mortgage papers
- Personal/home insurance
- House keys.
Plan for keeping safe
- If still in the same house, change all the locks and install window locks
- Install security systems, including additional locks, burglar alarms etc
- Install smoke detectors and fire extinguishers for each floor of your house
- Install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person comes near the house
- Inform neighbours that your partner no longer lives with you and ask them to call the police if they hear a disturbance. You could also show a picture of your partner so they can inform you if they see him near your home and/or contact the police
- Ask for an unlisted number or dial 141 before dialling telephone numbers so that your number is unobtainable by that person
- Keep a list of emergency numbers by you at all times
- Use an answering machine to screen all calls.
Safety plan for protection away from home
- Inform your employer about your situation
- Plan safe routes home from work and vary them
- Use different modes of transport
- Think about what you would do if something happened while you were on your way home
- Do not go out alone
- Avoid usual routines e.g. shopping times and places
- Choose a different bank – cancel shared cards and accounts
- Keep any court orders with you
- Keep a mobile phone with you if possible
- Make sure that people and organisations do not pass on your name or address.